Cleave Unto None Else

 

Before the Marriage

 

 Having a son, I now understand all of my mother in laws reservations about our engagement and marriage. My husband is the oldest son, among five daughters. He has makes his mother smile, He makes her laugh, he makes her heart soar with pride at every accomplishment, every hug, every kiss, and every tender word. She loves him dearly.

Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife” When we announced our engagement she was less than pleased, She was actually cold and distant. She said not a word the entire night. I couldn’t understand why, why was she against our marriage? We were young and wanted to be married in the right place, at the right time. She felt her son needed more time. He should either join the army and wait until he was an officer or until he had completed his degree.He never had any notion of joining the military. She made planning the wedding difficult, every time we would set a date she would have a new reason why she couldn’t attend that time of year. There was the chill in the air in March , the summer season of growing in June, her family trip in August, and then winter was upon us in October. It started to make me question my fiance. After nine months of engagement and still no date I realized that I would have a huge mother in law problem in my marriage. I gave him his ring back and told him that when he wants to marry me, and is ready to set a date let me know. It was very hard. But I figured if she was already running our marriage this much and we weren’t even married then afterwards it would be awful.

A few months passed and he gave me the ring back. He had a date, he wanted to check if I was available and was going to tell his parents if they were there it would be wonderful but if not we were still going to get married. They attended! They came into town the night before and left right after the sealing. It was a very short encounter but I thought that it was important to make our marriage come first.

 

After the Marriage

 

James Harper and Suzanne Olsen said, “living close to mother in laws bring strength and relationship development.” It took a while but I found this statement to be accurately true.

Nine months after we were married my husband said he felt that we should move close to his parents, three states away. I was willing to move but apprehensive to stay with my in-laws. It was the best decision we could have made. We were expecting our first child and she was welcomed and adored instantly. My relationship with my mother in law has taken many years to develop but we are very close. She tells me she thinks I am the only daughter she can live with in her older age. I let her be her, and I don’t mind her little quirks I actually enjoy them, they remind me of my husband.

 

 

Being One

 

Our ultimate goal as a family is to return back to Heaven and live with our Heavenly Father as a family. Sometimes it seems that we forget that the relationships that are developed here are the ones that we will be taking with us after this life. It astounds me to see families that have this privilege to be sealed for eternity be so disconnected. We are looking forward to the eternal blessings but are we doing all we can now to develop eternal relationships?

 

Family Council

 

One of the best ways of developing better family relationships is to work on having family counsel. When we started family council it was because as a mom, I was overwhelmed. We had so many activities in so many places I couldn’t keep up. We also needed to talk about some of the problems within our family. Our family council has been a blessing to our family. We take time every Sunday night to read scriptures as a family and then have family council. Everyone is allowed a voice, they can let their concerned be known as well as their opinions on any matter. We try and make it a safe place for all in the family.

Elder Ballard said we should be more concerned with not with our own point of view but we should find ways to listen to the point of view of others. I think is good advice for family counsels as well. When we seek to listen for what others are truly saying we will be able to better understand how we can meet our families needs. In one counsel a daughter brought up an issue she was having with one of her siblings teasing. After listening to her and pondering what could be done. We made some decisions as a family which helped us grow closer as a family and meet the needs of my daughter.

 

Unity and Love

Studying President Eyring’s talk, “That We May Be One” I found myself really paying attention to the scriptures that he used. In Doctrine and Covenants 38:27, Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.  I shared this with my family for family home evening. We talked about ways we could become one. My younger children were quiet, and we talked about using kinder words and actions. The last few days there has been an improvement. I am hopeful that as we continue to rely on each other at family home evening, family counsel, and even family scripture study they will have their hearts knit together in unity and love.   

 

A lesson

My Old White Dress

   A week before I was to be married my uncle visited me. He handed me a bag and told me this was my Aunt’s and that he would like me to have it, if I wanted to use it. It was a white dress that was usually worn in a temple dedicated as a house of God. I thanked my uncle for the gift.

Twenty years later I still hold the dress with remembrance of the importance of being true and faithful in marriage.

 My Aunt was only 35 when she left. She left her husband, her home, and her three boys. She was fun to visit with fun to talk with and was a great listener, and then she left. She had met my uncle at BYU as an aspiring musician, my uncle was a singer she was a pianist. They were married in the Hawaii temple and had three boys. Around the time I was 16 she started spending all her time on the internet. When we came to visit we rarely saw her. She had many friends across the country even the globe all online. What surprised us the most was that they were all men. One day one of them visited and then she went with him. Her boys were heart broken and her husband was devastated. It was the first time I realized even good marriages were susceptible to infidelity. A few years later I was given her temple dress. I decided that I should start early to safe guard my feelings, emotions, and marriage from the small and simple intrusions that can come into our relationships.

Warning

 

"There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who thinks it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22).(Matheson)

 And, when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: “Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.” ”( Matheson, 2009)
 With these cautions in mind I have made rules for myself that help me to “abstain from all appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22)”.

 

A few of the rules I have set for myself are:

1.Internet chat is not a viable place for making good friends.

2.If I am doing anything online my children should be able to look over my shoulder and read what I am doing.

3.Any conversations carried out online should be things I would say in front of my family.

4.I don’t friend anyone on social media that I haven’t met in person.

5.I don’t friend males that I am not related to on social media.

6.I only use the computer out in the open at family gathering areas such as family room and kitchen.

 

Resources:

Matheson, K.W. "Fidelity in marriage: It's more than you think." Ensign, Sept. 2009, 13-16.

Navigating Through Relationships

Driving

 Real LA traffic, this happens twice a day.

I learned to drive in Southern California, where the distance from my house to the beach was less than 45 miles. But the amount of time it took to get home was 2 and ½ hours. It was not because I lacked knowledge of the roads or even capability in driving over the speed limit. The problem was the amount of traffic on the road the gridlock was terrible. We went 10 miles in 30 minutes. The slow dragging traffic was one of the reason we only planned very short beach trips. If you left the beach by 2:00 it only took you one hour to get home. And if there was an accident on this stretch of road it added another hour to the drive.

What dreams may come

John Gottman talks about marital gridlock in his book, “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work”. Marital gridlock comes like traffic congestion; we have problems in our marriage that make it impossible to move forward with being a loving and successful couple. The gridlock comes as issues arise that cannot be overcome simply by talking about them. Gridlock is actually the dreams that you have for your life that your spouse is not aware of. These dreams shape our actions which in turn regulate our responses and the weight of their importance to us will not let us side step them in our marriage but are as solid to our person sometimes as the need to eat. Thus we will not let them go but are forcing our spouse to accept them, even though they may be directly opposite to our spouse’s dreams.

 

After reading chapter 11 of Gottman’s book I realized that one of my hidden dreams that I have carried from childhood is the need to be at church early, not just early but 10 minutes before the meeting starts, sitting in our seats, waiting patiently and listening to the prelude music. This need comes from my childhood; my single mother always conducted the music she had to be at church really early. We came and settled ourselves 10 to 15 minutes before the meeting so she knew where we were and she could meet all our needs before she had to leave us. My husband is the opposite his family has sat in the same pew since their building was built, by them. They came in anytime and it was always available, so there was never any reason to hurry or rush out the door. So on Sunday as I am hustling to get my family out the door, my husband is at his leisure dressing and getting his things together. We usually arrive 1 to 2 minutes before the opening song, which in my mind is late. It’s really not wrong, but it’s a contention we’ve had in our marriage for almost 20 years. I realize that this is no way to start our Sabbath day worship, and that we can change and let go a little more.

De-fang

Dr. Gottman says, “Your problem is not to solve the problem- it will probably never go away completely. Instead the goal is to defang the issue, to try to remove the hurt so that the problem stops being a source of great pain.”(p.253) Working together to take time to talk one on one, each respecting the time to talk of the other will help us overcome some of the difficulties these gridlocks can cause in marriage. Unlike Southern California traffic we can sail clearly through our relationship instead of being stopped by things that in the long run will not matter.

 I thought this couple was so cute:

 

 

 

Here is a short clip on Relationship Gridlock:

Perpetual Problems

 Mortal Kombat

               

My favorite video game, as a teenager, was always Mortal Kombat. You choose a fighter and then fight until someone loses. No skill is needed you just pick the meanest character and push all the buttons. Sound a little like marriage? Are you choosing to be the meanest character in the room? Do you push all your spouses’ buttons? If this reminds you of your marriage I urge you to stop, examine what the real problems are. They are not the messy counter, the laundry on the floor and spilt milk there are much bigger factors that are perpetuating the conflict. Dr. John Gottman said there are two kinds of marital conflict, 1) conflict that can be resolved and 2) perpetual conflict that will be a part of your lives forever. (p. 137)

Perpetual Conflict

According to John Gottman 69% of the problems we face in marriage are perpetual. We sometimes keep cycling through the same problems but in different ways. It’s not until we realize what these problems are and decide that they are our own individual problems not our spouse and overcome them ourselves do they actually go away.

 

Despite what many therapists will tell you, you don’t have to resolve your major marital conflict for your marriage to thrive.

You can learn to deal with the issue at hand, using humor, realizing that you don’t have to solve it all at once you can take your time, and choose not to let it ruin your relationship. For some reason there is three point line around our laundry basket that my husband can’t seems to make. The sock lies within feet of the said basket but yet fail to achieve their final resting place. I have termed this his one human frailty and decided to just love him for it. It’s not worth arguing or fighting over I kind pick them up and throw them in.  

Gridlock

 

                Gridlock in marriage is what happens when you are not able to move through a problem but it circulates around and around until there is nothing but angry and malice in the relationship. When you hit a gridlock, step back explore what the hidden issues might be. (Gottman p. 141) Sometimes these problems occur because we have not seen our spouses unrequited dreams, or dreams that they have that are unspoken, said Dr. Gottman (p.141) For example my spouse always had the dream of owning a business which was absolutely against everything I wanted. We kept hitting a gridlock with arguing and disagreeing until we decided we had to change. I took a leap of faith and we tried, my husband started his own company and went to work for himself. He was elated. He came home happy every day. Overtime I got use to the lifestyle. We have owned our business for over 10 years now and I am thankful every day for that inspiration to just let go and follow his dreams.  Our conflict had decreased and we seem to be able to get through any problem because we consistently look to each other’s needs and try to make the other more of a priority than ourselves.  

 

 

A short clip from Dr. Gottman on how to overcome conflict in marriage:

 

Pride

 

Looking away....

“Break it up you two, you’ve been married for 19 years get over it”. These were the words recently expressed by my 18 year old daughter who got caught refereeing her parent’s disagreement. Why did we disagree? What was so important that we lost sight of peace and harmony in our home? The answer, I don’t remember. But why did it take so long to get over? Pride. We let our pride get in the way of our relationship. We should have stopped long before it got to the point where we were hotly disagreeing.
President Ezra Taft Benson said, “Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts”. Through our pride we let the adversary come into our homes and our relationships. We let anger guide our thoughts, words, and deeds. It’s when we are caught up in our pride that the most damage is done to the ones we love the most.

Turning towards each other...

Pride can manifest itself in our marriage through arguments, disagreements, and fights. It manifests through pitting our will above our spouse. Through sabotaging their efforts for happiness. My husband loves to play basketball. As a newlywed I wondered why would he want to leave me even one night a week, to play basketball ? I felt that he should be with me. I argued with him about why he should go and did it really need to happen every Thursday night? It wasn’t until the stake playoffs that I understood what this sport meant to him. He enjoyed being with friends, his excitement and fun for the game brought him so much joy. I felt I was being selfish and prideful keeping him away from something he enjoyed so much. I decided to make Thursday night my night for finding out what it was that I like to do. It became my favorite night of the week. My husband always came home sweaty and happy and I was discover new hobbies that I enjoyed as well.

President Benson said:

“the antidote for pride is humility- meekness, submissiveness. It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. As we seek to humble ourselves our relationships with God and with others will be strengthened.

  

Short video on Forgiveness by President James E. Faust

Bidding for Romance

D&C 64:33 "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."

 

Romance 101 

 

         What is romance? This was the question my husband asked of me last week, Who gets to decide what is romantic and what is not? Is it flowers? Candies? Movies? Candle lit dinner over a scenic view? Thankfully my poor husband who seems fraught with the idea that he needs to be romantic found the definition of romance by John Gottman, one in which he could not only agree but achieve. Romance isn’t the one on one romantic trips but the simple things that couples do day to day to show that they care for each other.

Bids

       
  These small and simple activities come about through what are called “bids”. We advertently or inadvertently ask each other for help throughout the days, weeks, and years. When we listen and attend to these small bids we are meeting the romantic needs of our companion.
   

How to Make It Work

 



       My sister’s marriage started roughly, her soon to be mother in law declared she was not right for her son, she was not good enough.  The background of her and her fiancé were very different they had grown up in different cultures and lifestyles. I feared for the weight of trials they would have to overcome to even start their marriage. After they were married we went and visited them for a few days. The key to their success was obvious, they spent every moment together. They cooked every meal together, cleaned up together, and washed the dishes together, they had a routine down that would impress any restaurant kitchen manager. They attended to each other’s bids as they did the little things together it was easier to work through the big things in marriage. They still faced a mountain of problems in life, but by working together in the small things from laundry, dishes, yard work, they found they were closer as a couple and could handle life’s challenges.  
 
                                
"Marriage is God's graduate school for advanced training in Christian character"  (Goddard p. 8).

    At times we let pride slip into our marriage and we start ignoring the small bids of attention our spouse gives and then the real problems start to develop. Letting go of offences intended or not help keep our marriages whole. Be quick to apology, slow to anger, and helpful to any task your spouse might need accomplishing. Doing this has helped me overcome my pride and work together with my husband to build a stronger marriage.

References:

Gottman, John M. , The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work, Harmony Books, New York, 2015.

Goddard, H. Wallace., Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Joymap publishing, Cedar Hills, UT, 2009.

Click on this link to view a short clip on marriage.

A successful marriage grows from small steps

Love Maps

Love Maps - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I get lost. I get lost all the time. I live in a town that was poorly planned (nowhere in Utah). We have some roads that go on for miles, changing names every time the road curves. The same road will sometimes have four different names. Some roads only last a mile and stop. You then guess which way to go to find the street again. It is all very confusing. I have to use maps a lot. Using a map helps me remember which direction I am headed. In John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he describes another kind of map, a love map. A love map is kept in an individual's brain it’s a map of our partners goals, hopes, and dreams. It helps couples think about each other and map out their way together. Marriage takes many twists and turns and sometimes partners can lose their way. Children, jobs, and family distress add new directions and sometimes roadblocks in our smooth driving marriage. Staying in tune with your partners love map will help you maintain a steady relationship throughout the twists and turns of life.

Short clip about Love maps:
 

Fondness and Admiration- - - - - - - -

There was a time in our marriage when we hit a rough road as a couple, I found that I couldn’t find anything I really liked about my husband. The more I thought of him, the more negative thoughts would abound. I decided one day that I was done. I was done thinking negative, if our marriage was going to be successful I needed to close my eyes to all the little things that my husband did, from the way he did laundry to the way he would drive. I decided when a negative thought came into mind, I would think of one thing I liked about him. I found over time, it just came naturally I was able to find so many things that I loved about my husband, the negative thoughts stopped and when they came, they didn’t have a chance to survive. My husband hadn’t changed but I did and it improved our marriage 100%.

 

 

Obedience and Sacrifice - - - - - - - -

“Afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth” H. Wallace Goddard. Through afflictions we are able to understand the trials of others. Recently I read in Matthew 26:39 Through Christ’s suffering the atonement for us he has been able to understand our trials, and know how to comfort us. He was obedient to the Father as he said, “not as I will, but as thou wilt.” When we are obedient in our trials and sacrifices we are able to better understand the suffering others go through and can more fully know how to help each other.

“Marriage is God’s finishing school” (Goddard) .Through the trials of marriage we are able to work together to overcome the lessons we need to learn to become perfected. I find that when I focus more on myself I am not nearly as successful as I am when I take the time and talk through a solution with my spouse. We come to conclusions together and our plans always seem to go much smoother. Sometimes it helps to focus on doing something that will make you spouse smile that day. Occasionally I try to send him a silly text or a picture of the kids doing something funny. He enjoys that the extra thought, that helps him know I am thinking of him.

Cautions in Marriage

In my life…

Yesterday we celebrated 19 years of marriage. We started our day at 5:30 with children leaving for seminary followed by another an hour later leaving for junior high and then still we had another leave for elementary school. Two young boys were fed and dressed. We said “happy anniversary” and then my husband left for a long day of work. He came home after 8:30, just in time for family scripture study and put everyone to bed. One child needed extra help finishing a project which I sat up to do with him. In the middle of explaining how to write a timeline, I heard our song; it was the song we danced to at our wedding. My husband was sitting in the living room smiling as he listened to our song, and waiting for his wife to realize that there was a celebration, if only for a moment, that needed to be shared. We laughed, danced, and embraced...and then were told to get a room by our children, who snuck out of bed. This anniversary is a success. We made it another year, even though our day was not celebrated with flowers, lavish trips, or a private dinner, I rather enjoy spending it doing what we do; we work, we laugh, we forgive, and we love.

The Experts

In John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he states that “the strength of a couple’s friendship not only stokes the fire but also foretells the relationship’s future, because it is the fundamental ingredient of positive sentiment override.” (p.52) Marriage is hard work; it takes many things to keep it functioning well. We disagree, are stubborn, and we fight. But we keep working at it. As we do we don’t let life’s little problems come between us, there will always be another crisis that needs to be solved, another catastrophe to be hurtled but together we are committed to accomplish the tasks as partners.

Things to watch for:

John Gottman talks about the four horseman to watch for in marriage. They are lethal negative reactions in a relationship that will, if left unchecked ruin any marriage.

1) Criticism is the first horseman when we seek to criticize our spouse we are attacking their character and personality.
2)Contempt is the second horseman. It comes from a feeling of superiority over our partner.
3)Defensiveness is our way of blaming our spouse.
4)f;Stonewalling is the last horseman it occurs after the other three have come in and set up their recurring habits. To stonewall your partner, it takes completely shutting down, not being able to look at them, talk with them, or even acknowledges any part of the discussion. Stonewalling happens when you are no longer able to discuss with your partner.

Searching through our relationships we can find where these attributes might start sneaking in, we need to take action to make sure they don’t take root and continue to grow. Through humility, patience, and love we can seek forgiveness from our spouse and overcome the damaging effects that might have been caused as we let these horseman take place in our relationship.

Short clip on the four horseman of marriage apocalypse:

Resources
Gottman, John M. , The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work, Harmony Books, New York, 2015.

Covenant Marriage

Two Types of Marriage

 

Marriage is a wonderful institution. Attending a wedding brings joy not only to those that are married but to countless others as well; family and friends gather around to celebrate the commitment two people make to each other. This type of marriage is what is considered a contract marriage, a marriage that has a contract that ends after a certain time, death. I believe that there can be more to this union than to death do you part. I believe that we can be married for time and all eternity. We can make covenants with our spouse and our Heavenly Father that allows us to seal our marriage for ever. This type of marriage is what is considered a covenant marriage. It will last forever as long as the husband and wife keeps the covenants they make.

 

A sweet story on the importance of a covenant marriage: 

 

 

A Covenant Marriage

 

A marriage for eternity can only take place in a temple of God. There are many temples around the earth today. These temples allow a man to be sealed to his wife for time and all eternity and they as parents can be sealed to their children forever as well.  

Elder Bruce C. Hafen stated that, “Troubles come to a covenant marriage, the couple works through them.”1 This does not mean that marriage is easy, or will be without problems. In my life I’ve learned that the problems in my marriage have helped us grow closer together as a couple and closer together to God.

“Marry to Give and to Grow”

 

            This was also another quote from Elder Hafen. I like how in this simple quote on marriage, it focuses on serving our spouse, only by giving of ourselves are we able to grow together. Elder Hafen warns of three wolves that we should watch for in our marriage. They can come at any time, by either spouse.

The first “wolf” that sneaks into our marriage is Natural adversity, problems that just come. The death of a loved one or even a child, downturn in economy, loss of a job. All these trials just happen we have to be patient through these trials as we work together to overcome them.

The second wolf that can sneak into marriage is one of our own imperfection. We all are different, with these differences comes the good and the bad. We need to be forgiving of each other’s weaknesses that we might dislike. I tell my husband that he is perfect except for the fact that his socks make it almost into the laundry hamper. I choose not to pick at him with fault finding he chooses not to see my mountain of imperfections that I come with.

The third wolf is excessive individualism. In Matthew 19:5..for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh. We are often told that when you marry you should hold some of yourself back, that you are not overshadowed by your husband who will dominate the relationship. When we both give equal amounts and are concerned with each other’s needs most of all, we aren’t left behind but are able to join together as equal partners and have a opportunity to get to know our spouse even more. When selfishness slips into our marriage we tend to disagree more and let our own selfish desires come first. In my marriage, when we disagree and it lasts more than a few hours, I find it helps to make his favorite cookies, leave him a treat, or even text him a joke. Simple things are what has broken the silence and made our hearts soften so that we can talk. I found when the distance is the largest drastic measures are needed. Many years ago, I found we had a huge disagreement that seemed to last for a few days, I wasn’t sure how I could get us to start talking again, so I purchased two cards to leave in his vehicle while he was at work. The first said, I am sorry you are feeling ill, I wrote at the bottom of the message, “being a jerk makes everyone sick.” The second card said, congratulations on your baby boy I signed both cards and left them with a candy bar. I received a call quickly after he got off of work, we both were able to laugh, talk, and realize we were both being silly.        

To make marriage last we need to be aware of what can weaken our marriage either through our weaknesses or through the influences around us. We work to guard against these weaknesses by working together. When we have a covenant marriage we know that although we have our problems we can overcome anything together. It is worth it. 

                                          

 

References:

1. Hafen, Bruce C.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng

Short clip on how one person supports their spouse.

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/building-families

Our big funny family

Legally a Family

Families are historically the only organization that can be referred to across culture and divides the organization everyone can universally relate to. The word family in almost every language brings to mind a mother, father and children. Families have been around since the world was created it was the one group that continued as the times changed from medieval to enlightenment, from the great depression to the baby boom, through wars and peace there have always been families. These families have consisted of a father, mother, and children. As families have lived through the centuries laws have been created to protect these families.

Lately our society is  attempting to redefine what the family is and what makes a family. In this day and age views of families are veering away from the traditional organization known throughout history. We, as modern-advanced thinkers think we can debate and change the roles in a family and that it will work out well for everyone involved, we as a society are sadly mistaken.

                                       

According to the Law

 

The supreme court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015) Supreme Court of the United States, that the right to Marry should be extended to all; man and man as well as women and women. The highest court of law in our civilization has taken it upon themselves to redefine marriage for our society now and for future generations to come. While the argument to change this law is well known, I think it’s important to note the dissent that took place in the court as well.

Dissenting votes were given by Judges; Scalia, Thomas, Alito and Roberts. They each gave compelling reasons for disagreeing with the majority on this decision. Some of the reasons ruling in favor of marriage consisting of a man and women are; as a society we cannot allow nine non-elective ,by the voice of the people, officials to legislate our laws, they are to uphold the laws already made and not enact new laws by rulings and judgements they hand down. Justice Roberts dissent is based on many ideas from a moral obligation to uphold the traditional family as God has outlined for all, as well as a legal obligation to uphold the constitution and it;s own restrictions on the supreme court.

Scalia’s dissention comes from the idea that 5 justices are showing that every state has violated the 14th amendment for 135 years.  Thomas dissent was from the definition of liberty as a freedom from government actions not entitlement to government benefits. Alito felt that the question should be left to the people, through a vote, and not the judiciary system by the ruling of 9 people.

Moral Laws

 

    I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as the Mormons, I believe marriage should be between Man and a Woman for reasons that support society and family. I feel that Marriage protects our children with a mother and father in a married union, to ensure the comfort and protection of their children.

In a statement by Russell M. Nelson, a leader in our church he states, “ True partners can achieve more than the sum of each acting alone...great partners are completely loyal..they suppress personal ego in exchange for being part of creating something larger than themselves.” Family is the creation he is talking about. When as a man and woman we put aside our wants and desires and work towards the goal of making an environment that benefits our children

The Birth of a Family

 

My own family was born 18 years and 1 month ago. I have been married for 19 years, but it didn’t seem like a real family until the birth of our first child. Our family was truly created when we held our little girl for the first time. After 8 hours of labor, a stillness seemed to permeate over the room as she was born, all noises seemed to disappear and the only thing that mattered was this tiny infant that was placed into my arms. I can’t quite explain the emotion of having a child but the love and attachment was instantaneous, powerful and complete. My husband seemed to crumble as this little being was placed into his arms, his powerful shoulders sighed and seemed to enfold this little girl, tears filled his eyes and an instant bond was formed more powerful than we ever could have imagined. The strong man that let me know early in our courtship that he can’t change diapers and clean vomit because he would become physically ill, changed the first 3 diapers, and sprung out of bed at the first whining cry in the still evening hours. He has cleaned every imaginable mess, calmed uncontrollable tears and cheered embarrassingly loud at our children’s sporting events.

I credit all these changes in both of us, due to the formation of our family, married for not only time but eternity and focused on making the very best life we can for our children. We are putting aside our goals and interests to pursue what is best for our children. This solid foundation helps reassure children that a mom and dad are here for their benefit.

 

References

Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf

(Russell M Nelson, Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage, 14 August 2014)

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-marriage/