Growing up:
I grew up in somewhat of a tumultuous household. With six children, and parents that couldn’t even agree on how to wash the dishes we had many adventures across multiple states. My parents finally ended their increasingly disastrous marriage to the benefit of their children. I stayed with my sisters and youngest brother at my mom’s. My two brothers went and lived with my father. As I grew I was grateful for the divorce my mother went through to bring peace into our lives. We were one of the first families in our group of church friends to go through a divorce many individuals were unkind with actions and words, not understanding the complex home life that we had gone through.
Divorce was looked down upon and even the closest of friends ended their relationship with my mother in fear that it would spread to their homes. My mother found a wonderful group of older single women who took her in and guided her through the ups and downs of being a single parent.
Nowadays it is common for couples to separate and divorce multiple times within a few years. Marriage is looked at as something you can change like handbags and shoes, when you grow tired of it no need to work at it just move on to the next partner. The attitude of doing what is best for you without feeling bad about the other people that are involved in the relationship.
Focus on Marriage:
Paul R. Amato wrote an article entitled, “The Impact of Family Formation : Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well Being of the Next Generation.” he highlights some of the trends that are being exhibited in relationships today specifically when it comes to the relationship of parents. There are three main areas that Amato focuses on; marriage, cohabitation of parents without marriage , and parenting after a divorce. Looking at these three formations of families Amato points out that the most successful group of children that have fewer problems in school intellectually as well as emotionally are those children that are raised with two parents that are married. The next successful group of adjusted children tend to come from parents who are both engaged in the lives of their children. Whether the parents are married, divorced or just living together the quality of parenting is important for the success in life of their children.
“Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”
- Spencer W. Kimball, Ensign, Nov. 1980, 4.
Now
I married 19 years ago and am raising six children with my husband. We were married while in college and began our family soon after our marriage. We planned in courtship to maintain a standard of living that allowed me to stay at home with our children and then to live a life of simplicity where our age old values of faith in God came first in our home. I believe this has helped us “preserve our family” as was said by President Kimball. The goals we made as a newlywed couple striving to put God first, still stand today. The first goal we made was that we were never going to miss a Sunday of church. We were going to attend no matter what. This goal has seen us going to church through many days where we would have rather stayed home. We are seeing some of the benefits as our children have aged in their faithful attendance to church and their testimony of God and his role in their lives.
I think it would be fair to say that we believe in divorce. According Dallin H. Oaks in his talk at the April 2007 General conference, entitled “Divorce”. He talks about divorce in cases only when a marriage is dead and beyond hope of reconciliation. My parents had such a marriage. My siblings and I were so grateful that they took the steps to separate and divorce. It has helped me understand how important a good marriage is and what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship.
