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A successful marriage grows from small steps

Love Maps

Love Maps - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I get lost. I get lost all the time. I live in a town that was poorly planned (nowhere in Utah). We have some roads that go on for miles, changing names every time the road curves. The same road will sometimes have four different names. Some roads only last a mile and stop. You then guess which way to go to find the street again. It is all very confusing. I have to use maps a lot. Using a map helps me remember which direction I am headed. In John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he describes another kind of map, a love map. A love map is kept in an individual's brain it’s a map of our partners goals, hopes, and dreams. It helps couples think about each other and map out their way together. Marriage takes many twists and turns and sometimes partners can lose their way. Children, jobs, and family distress add new directions and sometimes roadblocks in our smooth driving marriage. Staying in tune with your partners love map will help you maintain a steady relationship throughout the twists and turns of life.

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Fondness and Admiration- - - - - - - -

There was a time in our marriage when we hit a rough road as a couple, I found that I couldn’t find anything I really liked about my husband. The more I thought of him, the more negative thoughts would abound. I decided one day that I was done. I was done thinking negative, if our marriage was going to be successful I needed to close my eyes to all the little things that my husband did, from the way he did laundry to the way he would drive. I decided when a negative thought came into mind, I would think of one thing I liked about him. I found over time, it just came naturally I was able to find so many things that I loved about my husband, the negative thoughts stopped and when they came, they didn’t have a chance to survive. My husband hadn’t changed but I did and it improved our marriage 100%.

 

 

Obedience and Sacrifice - - - - - - - -

“Afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth” H. Wallace Goddard. Through afflictions we are able to understand the trials of others. Recently I read in Matthew 26:39 Through Christ’s suffering the atonement for us he has been able to understand our trials, and know how to comfort us. He was obedient to the Father as he said, “not as I will, but as thou wilt.” When we are obedient in our trials and sacrifices we are able to better understand the suffering others go through and can more fully know how to help each other.

“Marriage is God’s finishing school” (Goddard) .Through the trials of marriage we are able to work together to overcome the lessons we need to learn to become perfected. I find that when I focus more on myself I am not nearly as successful as I am when I take the time and talk through a solution with my spouse. We come to conclusions together and our plans always seem to go much smoother. Sometimes it helps to focus on doing something that will make you spouse smile that day. Occasionally I try to send him a silly text or a picture of the kids doing something funny. He enjoys that the extra thought, that helps him know I am thinking of him.