Bidding for Romance

D&C 64:33 "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."

 

Romance 101 

 

         What is romance? This was the question my husband asked of me last week, Who gets to decide what is romantic and what is not? Is it flowers? Candies? Movies? Candle lit dinner over a scenic view? Thankfully my poor husband who seems fraught with the idea that he needs to be romantic found the definition of romance by John Gottman, one in which he could not only agree but achieve. Romance isn’t the one on one romantic trips but the simple things that couples do day to day to show that they care for each other.

Bids

       
  These small and simple activities come about through what are called “bids”. We advertently or inadvertently ask each other for help throughout the days, weeks, and years. When we listen and attend to these small bids we are meeting the romantic needs of our companion.
   

How to Make It Work

 



       My sister’s marriage started roughly, her soon to be mother in law declared she was not right for her son, she was not good enough.  The background of her and her fiancé were very different they had grown up in different cultures and lifestyles. I feared for the weight of trials they would have to overcome to even start their marriage. After they were married we went and visited them for a few days. The key to their success was obvious, they spent every moment together. They cooked every meal together, cleaned up together, and washed the dishes together, they had a routine down that would impress any restaurant kitchen manager. They attended to each other’s bids as they did the little things together it was easier to work through the big things in marriage. They still faced a mountain of problems in life, but by working together in the small things from laundry, dishes, yard work, they found they were closer as a couple and could handle life’s challenges.  
 
                                
"Marriage is God's graduate school for advanced training in Christian character"  (Goddard p. 8).

    At times we let pride slip into our marriage and we start ignoring the small bids of attention our spouse gives and then the real problems start to develop. Letting go of offences intended or not help keep our marriages whole. Be quick to apology, slow to anger, and helpful to any task your spouse might need accomplishing. Doing this has helped me overcome my pride and work together with my husband to build a stronger marriage.

References:

Gottman, John M. , The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work, Harmony Books, New York, 2015.

Goddard, H. Wallace., Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Joymap publishing, Cedar Hills, UT, 2009.